there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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