I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
