I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
