Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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