Someone shit on the floor
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
