Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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