i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
