If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
