Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
