It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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