oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
