she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
