just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You are the jesus of drinking
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
