everyone is single if you try hard enough
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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