I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
