something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
being pregnant is like rehab
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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