i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
