Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
