dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize