why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I touched a dick in church today
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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