he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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