tell your sister to shave her snatch
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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