pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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