Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
