I'm lost and stupid without you.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
