Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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