bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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