I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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