that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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