I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize