I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
