This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
