Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
