and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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