Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
