I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
