Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My breasts were aching with rage.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i now understand why vodka
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
