There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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