her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
