I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
