based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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