so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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