Swine flu is the new snow day.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize