I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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