She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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