I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
