PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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