In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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