you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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