And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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