she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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