She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
