All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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