Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
