im drinking this country out of the recession.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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