I think scott just propositioned me for sex
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
