It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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