you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
