That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
