South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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