While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
