I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
