Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
