you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
