did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
