it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
