But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize