he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
